You will fail.
That is, lots of things you try won’t turn out as you expect. So the only wise course is to adjust your expectations. Turn failure into learning and learning into victory.
I’ve done what I could in this series to shake loose a bunch of crappy thinking about how religion is supposed to work. It is work, and it is mostly failure for a very long time because that’s how we get better at it. But the whole purpose is not success in those terms; redefine success as perception, not objective fact. It’s not a question of knowing the truth, but your truth. Yours and mine cannot be precisely the same, because God will not let it be that way. Yes, God Himself will see to it that “reality” is varied somewhat between His servants.
That’s why I’ve tried so hard to shake you loose from a view of reality that tries to make it all concrete. The danger in that approach is that concrete itself is alive and God can let you hear it talk if it’s part of His mission and calling in your life. Concrete ceases to be an image of something that never changes. So-called “concrete facts” are more fungible and variable than Western minds are prepared to accept. Stop asking the question of who is right about what they perceived and start asking the question of what is right for you.
Walk in the light you have.
Start where you are and pray that God will reveal where you should be. Don’t take yourself too seriously because it may require He put you through several different places to sojourn on the way to your earthly “home.” Your ideas and expectations are part of the scenery, subject to modification because it’s all a matter of path, not place. We are practicing for Heaven, and that means shedding a lot of junk that won’t get us there because it can’t exist there. A lot of that junk is the structure of processing perception.
There’s nothing wrong with keeping track of what folks around you think, of how they perceive the world. There’s nothing wrong with keeping one hand on that false “concrete reality” thing most people adhere to as they live their heartless existence. But don’t remain trapped there with them.
You cannot demand that reality be consistent across the entire spectrum of your life, much less consistent between two different people. This is why one of our catch-phrases is, “We are creating a new reality.” Reality, as most people think of it, is variable. Not wholesale, like with horror movies or drug-induced hallucinations, but variable in ways that allow plausible deniability of moral truth. Walking with Christ is wholly voluntary. If you don’t want it, God won’t force the issue in this life. Spiritual birth is wholly His choice and initiative, but walking here in this life according to the inheritance that comes with that spirituality is another matter. You are permitted to refuse moral truth on this earth regardless. However, you will never find anything else you imagine that you seek. It will keep slipping through your hands because those hands are continually reaching for shadows.
All the miracles and stuff you could see will remain out of reach until you step into the light of His glory in this moment. And you should fully expect that spotlight will move, not following you, but going where you should be at that point. What’s outside that spotlight is mostly irrelevant. All the noise and movement out there in the Shadowlands is not your concern. Don’t allow the Lust of the Eyes draw you off into mere entertainment and curiosity. Instead, exercise your curiosity in the moral demands of your life here and now.
Realize that somewhere down that as-yet unseen path, you’ll come to place when you can look back and discover what was consistent, what characterized your existence through all the various changes. You’ll begin to know who you are in that sense. Not who everyone says you are, or says you should be, but you’ll discover the person God says you should be. You know — the One who made you? Your “concrete reality” is His moral character, so stop looking at Creation for clues that your intellect can handle. Start looking for clues that only your heart can handle.
What will amaze you is the surprising level of moral consistency you’ll find in other believers on that path. When you stop seeking concrete consistency and seek moral consistency, you’ll find it. There are people in this world who will share this moral reality in ways you never expected. You’ll find heart-minds that “think” just like yours. You’ll find fellow believers who can agree with you on things that mere intellect cannot handle. You are most certainly not alone. Socially isolated at times, but never truly alone. If Creation itself can be a good friend and companion, you have to know that some of your fellow humans are also connected to Creation that same way. God will not allow the witness of His glory to be snuffed out in this world.
And you will discover a whole company of fellow-failures who have more victory than words can tell.